My Story of Becoming A Mama

by Tracey Gregory

This past weekend, I (who now goes by “TeeLee”) and my husband, Sam, (“Grandatty” with emphasis on the “T”) had very full arms. We kept 2 of our 3 grandchildren.

As the first night came to a close, I had a strawberry blond, fare skinned, sweet, with a touch of sass, four year old in one arm. I had a little two year old, blond haired, brown eyed, spunky and full of life tiny “Toot” in the other arm. There are times that I manage to fit cuddly baby Ru Ru, the loving nine month sister, with beautiful ice blue eyes, in my arms also. The two oldest had played extra hard, and done all the things you do at a sleepover at your grandparent’s house. Toys were scattered. Snacks had been eaten more than once with bits and pieces left on the floor. Capri suns had been squished, and our dogs were happy to clean up the leftovers.

An exhausted “Grandatty” and “Teelee” were having a discussion about an upcoming trip to Disney. I mentioned that the line (as in line you stand and wait in) was going to be really long.  

The two year old jumped up and cried out “I scared!! Hold me TeeLee!”

I replied “what are you scared of sweet baby girl?” She said LIONS!

Obviously “line” was interpreted as “lion” and thus two little girls ended up in my lap, and eventually asleep. 

Twenty eight years ago, I told a similar story about my two year old, Sara. Sara, is the creator, the dreamer and owner of this website.  I told her Dad about the line in a local grocery store being so long. Sara, the cutest little “precious moments-looking doll” screamed – “A LION!!!! I’m scared! Don’t ever go there again Mommy!” 

What does any of this have to do with what I’m supposed to be writing about today? I’m sure you are wondering. And I’m also sure you’ve come to the conclusion that “TeeLee” is as country as a bowl of turnip greens. . .

You are correct. Every word that comes from my mouth is stretched a couple of syllables. 

My heart is for everyone who reads my story to have so much hope and belief that even though you’re waiting and your arms are longing to hold babies, there will be a time, that, just like me, you will hold your children’s children.

Our Journey with Infertility

I know what it’s like to long and cry out for a baby.

My husband, Sam, and I had multiple miscarriages. I understand infertility, the emotions that go with it. I understand the waiting, and hoping that every month a test would be positive . . .and then hoping and praying that the little baby wouldn’t slip away.

Most people don’t know that Sam and I had begun an adoption process before Sara was conceived. After the heartache of several miscarriages, and constant reasons why we might not ever reproduce, as well as the chance of chromosomal abnormalities if we did, we began to start the process of adoption. We were in our twenties and really not in a good place spiritually. (I will say that the longing for a child, and the total hopelessness we felt, pulled us to the Lord.)

Sara, was our, what they now call, “rainbow” baby.

That wasn’t even a label back then. She was our miracle, she was one that we waited for, and prayed for. . . and our loving Father answered.

A few years later, I prayed specifically for a son and God gave us Sam Jr. (known by many as “Lil Sam”) Sam is a creator, carpenter, artist, hunter, young man of God, and father of the three girls that I fit in my lap and love today. 

Our Adoption Story

Around the early 90’s, after a couple of trips to the revival happening at Brownsville Assembly of God in Pensacola Fl, and experiencing an awakening in our lives, I had a dream. I dreamed I was walking down a road. I had in my arms a beautiful dark-skinned, baby girl. Her hair was black, silky, and curly. A friend of mine asked me who I thought she was. I remember it like I dreamed it last night- I said “I don’t know who she is, but I want her to be our baby.” The process for our daughter, Sadie, to come home began with that dream. 

It took about one year of prayer for our process to even be started. Everyone was praying. The wait for Sam to want what I wanted, to hear from God what I heard, took a while.

It wasn’t easy. I cried,  I prayed, and I worshipped. You know back in the 90’s our worship was more Lindell Cooley, “I See the Lord” or “Look What the Lord has Done!” I don’t remember songs about waiting, like we hear today.  But I played my worship and I danced. I declared that she would come home before I even knew I was allowed to do that as a beloved child of God.

One night, the Lord spoke so plain to me. He told me to go to Sam, and I would have favor as Esther had with Xerxes. The scepter had been extended. At 11 pm while our other two children were sleeping, I hesitantly crept into our living room, made my request, and the papers were signed. Yes, in faith, I had completed an application to start an adoption of a baby from India, praying that, when the time was right, Sam would be onboard.  

So, what about the waiting? What about the waiting for adoption processes to be fulfilled? What about the mountains of paperwork, the legal loopholes, the redundant signatures, the re-signing of documents, the never- ending “we need this to be completed…we need your fingerprints again.”? And oh, by the way, the fingerprint place is two hours away! What about the “Oh, we are sorry, your finger prints are not the greatest. Mrs Gregory, we need you to use corn huskers soap and lotion, for two weeks and come back.”

Anybody that knows my personality, knows that I did cuss a little at that point. Probably not at the person, but words did fly out of my mouth!

Corn huskers lotion is suppose to make the grooves of your fingerprints deeper. Apparently I had washed my fingerprints down to nothing, as I was working as a nurse. And Sam had too. There was constantly something that had to be done all the time.

Everything was done my mail, multiple copies, multiple signatures, stacks of papers. The home study was like a book. It was all a waiting process.

Constant trips to the mailbox. Constantly checking caller ID for missed calls from the adoption agency.

We finally received our referral phone call. Our Sadie was a month old, born on August 8th, 1998. (August 8th is our wedding anniversary) and we said YES to bringing our baby home! We expected to get her within a month. 

Waiting and waiting and waiting some more.

Two months passed!

Everybody I knew was praying for our baby to come home. She was legally under our guardianship, and laying in a crib in an orphanage in the southern region of India.

We experienced lost paper work and once it was found, a denial because the papers from India were blurred and unreadable on some pages! I waited, I cried, and honestly I did probably cuss and scream. I remember screaming in my living room at God, the Giver of all good things! I screamed at my Creator, I screamed at my Savior, I screamed until I crumpled to the floor sobbing.

Back then I expected to be killed, struck by lightning, have a massive heart attack or something at that point for how badly I was behaving. But instead, this warm peace like I had never felt came over me. I felt like a child that had just thrown the biggest tantrum, and then my Lord said “Are you done?” I stood up and I raised my hands and worshiped as hard as I could for what seemed like a long time.

The words that came out of my mouth at the end of that were simply – Ok Lord, If you never do another thing for me on this Earth but save my soul, it’s enough. You are enough, eternal life is enough.

I prayed this same prayer on New Years Day 2022. But, I was able to add to it. You, Oh Lord, love us so much and delight in your children, and want so much good for us.. I expect such great things in the days to come. 

You see, I was able to pray what I prayed now because of those days when I was waiting on those prayers to be answered and things felt crazy, impossible and frustrating. He came through for me then.

• 

• 

Finally things shifted. She was 7 months old. It took legal and political intervention. It took me calling immigrations everyday. Not just to complain or “chew them out”, but to speak on her behalf and advocate for her to come home.

One day I told the officer “when y’all finally find the papers, you will think that someone has eaten greasy fried chicken while holding them but that’s anointing oil. WE ALL PRAYED!! I’m expecting her to be legally accepted into this country! Because I worship the Lord that has made plans for this child to be here!”

I’ve always been spunky as you all can probably imagine!

March 19, 1999, our daughter, Sadie-Anna, officially came home.

The name “Sadie-Anna” means God’s Graceful Princess. As I look at the woman she has become, that I fought so hard to bring in to our family, I see wisdom beyond her years in her eyes. She is full of beauty and grace, and has a strength in her that could have only come from Father God.

She completed our family. After that, all adoptions were abruptly stopped at that time from that region of India.

She was the last baby out. The agency told me it was a miracle that we got her. Some people had to wait two to three years, and even gave up waiting for their children to come home.

So today as I reflect on all things that my Lord has done, I think of the days my arms were empty, and I remember that longing that I had for babies to love. I think how He was so loving to me during my tantrums, and my questions. He used those times to grow me, and here I am stepping into the “getting older years.”

My arms have been full, and they will continue to be full, because He is good! He has promised that precious gift for my children, and my children’s children. And someday, when I get to Heaven, I even have promises of my arms being full with the ones I haven’t gotten to hold.

He is so good!

• 

•